nice to see you. I haven’t written in a very long time and I’m sorry. I’ve been really busy trying to live my life as much as possible right now because there isn’t much time to spare - I’m already cutting away at sleep and relaxation and replacing it with power naps and medication to keep me going. I’m on my way up, I know it and I can feel it. It’ll be worth it soon.
I’ve been thinking about LA a lot and I’m not sure what’s going to happen when I move. I’m scared. Scared to be alone, scared to be away from stability and something to fall back on. Scared to survive there and be unhappy. Even more scared to be successful and be unhappier than I was in Phoenix.
I’m running out of time and I’m losing track of how fast things move. Is this the way I should be seeing things? Is that what it’s like to be an adult? I ponder this all the time…
I’ve been getting much more frustrated and straight up angry these last few months. I’m not sure if it’s the product of my environment (there’s lots of negativity and complacency and things that are below me in the circles I busily spin on my hips like hula-hoops,) or the product of my being stressed, or worst of all: that this is what it’s like to grow up or be working hard, etc. I don’t want to feel the way I have these last few months for the rest of my life. That thought almost makes me suicidal.
I forget where I was going with this. Or even where I am. How appropriate for this trying time…
Oh! Tumblr. Right. Sorry; I was talking about you. I’m sorry for being away because I really love this website and what it did for me in DC and through the last years of my life and how it’s helped me grow and maintain my identity and my insanity. But the good news is: if I’m correct in assuming that LA will lead to the (at least initial) lonliness I think I’ll have out there, I’ll be visiting here much much
I suppose I haven’t written poetry in a while…